Zeliah

I'm Happy.

Some things can't be helped.
I learned that the hard way.
I really like keeping things up to a decent perspective.
everything is so god damn fragile.
Knowing that no matter what is said or done, people will never come and even take you seriously. Or even try to comply to things that are just instead of unjust.
I always see people
Listen
But things goes in one ear and out the other.
Or
Its okay as long as they find a loophole
Be it something as childish as "you never asked"
Why?
Why can't people be so honest on situations?
Why do people opt to take the long, hard road?
Lying.
Fighting.
Cheating.
Broken Promises.
In the end,
What does all of that gain?
Do people really enjoy Cheap thrills over everlasting moments and feelings?
I think so...
Seeing how the world is today.
No one adapts to Things the just way
It's like you can only make them listen as you point a gun into their head.
Its so fucking despicably sad.
So sad, that people can't just be harmonious with one another. Friends or lovers alike.
Very few people,
So very little people.
And they are always treated so unfair.
Be it if they mind or not.
And for what?
To sit there,
And be the only red in a sea of black.
Seeing people hurt.
Seeing people cry, or hate one another, or lie to each others' faces.
For cheap thrills
How Ironic that once they realize what was in front of them.
What they could of held onto that could of lasted a lifetime.
How easily they toss it to the side, as if its some god damn piece of trash.
Why is it so hard...


Does this add up to ANYONE?

namida ga ato kara afuredashite
saigo no egao ga nijinde mienai no
ikanaide � ikanaide � koko ni ite
sora e �� hikari kakenukete-yuku [1]

konna ni chiisa na watashi dakedo
anata wo dare yori sei ippai aishita
arigatou �� ikutsumo no
taisetsu na �� kimochi
tewata shite kureta yo ne [2]

"sono toki zutto, watashi wa [3]
kie kaketa hikoukigumo wo mite-ita..."

wasurenaide
hitori ja nai
hanarete mo te wo tsunaide-iru [4]

hajimete no koi � hajimete shitta
konna kanashimi ga �� aru koto

nanika ga shoumetsu shite mo nanika ga
futatabi yadotte
wakare ni kureta hohoemi wa tsuyoku ikiyou to yuu
anata kara no
MESE-JI

itsuka kitto aeru
futari naraba
tookute mo hitomi mitsumeau
kibou to yume no subete wo kakete

yakusoku wo shiyou yo
ano hi no hageshisa wo
daite
ashita saku mirai wo
ikiru



Felo De Se says (8:19 PM):
and don't give up

watashi nara, daijoubu
isogashiku shiteru kara

ganbatte iru yo
sou, yakusoku shita kara
demo kyuu ni, nakitaku naru keredo

kimi to wakarete kara
subete ga kawatta mitai de
toori sugiru kaze no nioi mo
chikatetsu no zattou mo


machigai ja, nakatta yo ne?
kasaneatte ita setsunasa mo subete
ima wa mada, omoide to yobenai
kuchibiru ni nukumori ga kienai uchi wa . . .


kimi wa itsumo muri suru kara
taisetsu na mono wo miushinaun da yo
kondo mata dareka ai suru toki
mou ichido ano koro wo omoidashite ne


itsuka kimi to deaeru hi wa
taiyou no you ni hohoendeitai . . .


Lovely. <3

OH Irony, how thee shows up so "Ironically"~


Everything inside of me, up to date since my last post, and I quote: "asjkfgsafgbujsagfds."
I..I can't seem to get things squared away, with anything, at all.
The consistency in that being, I want my answers, answers to so many things, I think I've been patient enough, long enough for those people to come clean about things, long enough for those people to tell me their inner sanctity about most things that relate to them and I...But they wont.. or rather, Refuse to, For what? I don't really know. But as nit-picky as it'll all sound...
I have to wait..I guess.

Frustration, Anger, Anticipation, all of it, Just builds up all at the same exact time, And just makes you feel as if your chest will erupt at any given moment, you crave, crave for answers, answers that you feel may never come to you, Or are far of your reach.

Someone once told me: "There are some things in this world that are so beautiful simply because you can't have them." As amazing and respective as this quote seems, I..I really don't want to follow it. I want to have what I desire, I desire things, Every human does, as is their nature, be it power, love, hatred, sadness, content, etc etc.. I just Don't see where I stand with anybody anymore, or how, If that, or even what? In amidst of all this chaos and intensity, I often find myself wanting to flail my arms, and just lay back, and forget about it all...But I can't, I can't move on from something I want, Simply because It's everything I've ever wanted, ~everything~ :/


I just, I want to find my inner sanctuary, I want to see where I currently stand with not only people, but things as well...And It's hard, hard to try and find this, when you're not entirely sure if you've waited enough or not...I guess I'll have to see~ for now, my smiles, sanity, craziness, randomness, and even sadness, my #1..I'm glad we've grown close..You're my Number one person, so kudos to you Lu, There you stand, above anybody else I know, head held high, thank you for being the most amazing, sincere, outstanding, beautiful, smart, caring person In my life.

It's hard to wait
around for something
you know might
never happen.
But it's even harder
to give up,
especially when
it's everything
you've ever wanted.



The most amazing quote I've ever seen.

The simplicity of something that is nothing..

Why must you always turn it into something?

It was nothing, Simple as that... Embrace that, Alright?














Amanda...Where are you...

Time..
Time...
Time....
Time.....


That's all That gets pushed onto me.

Nothing but time.

Take all the time in the world.

I'm Shutting out.


Good luck Attempting to even try to grasp.


Edit: Dainerys. Message me on Msn(Dark_Luceid@hotmail.com)
Or Xbox Live(Irreparable) We must catch up.

Well. yeah.

Uninterestingly Unappealing When you feel like you're not Needed, Entirely at that.
Sucks to be honest, but what can be done?

You're ignored completely by the world.
Noone wants to hear what you have to say.
Noone actually takes the time to care about it either.
Everyone refuses to look your way.

whatever.

Nothing more to be said/done.

Off to Kingdom Under Fire: Circle Of Doom.

Message me on Xbox Live(Gamertag: Irreparable) If you wish to play co-op.

It feels awesome finding out something being kept from you, isn't it?
It does.
and tonight
All bets are fucking off.
Things get resolved.
Once and for all.

Zack, Thanks for the slap in the face in the form of advice. It helped me recoup everything back together.

If you feel so empty
So used up, so let down
If you feel so angry
So ripped off so stepped on
You're not the only one
Refusing to back down
You're not the only one
So get up

Let's start a riot, a riot
Let's start a riot
Let's start a riot, a riot
Let's start a riot

If you feel so filthy
So dirty so fucked up
If you feel so walked on
So painful so pissed off
You're not the only one
Refusing to go down
You're not the only one
So get up

Let's start a riot, a riot
Let's start a riot
Let's start a riot, a riot
Let's start a riot

If you feel so empty
So used up, so let down
If you feel so angry
Just get up

Let's start a riot, a riot
Let's start a riot
Let's start a riot, a riot
Let's start a riot


.
<3

I just downloaded The Xenosaga Episode III Special Edition OST of unreleased tracks.

The Reprise Melody of Faraway Promise~ was on the Title screen of Xenosaga playing on the BG.
I've wanted this track ever since I had gotten the game(Release August 29th 2006, Game Finished by September 01 of 2006) And I've been greatly fond of that melody, It somehow tends to ease me a little, I find it oddly weird how music affects my twisted emotions.

Kudos to Yuki Kajiura, truly a mastermind when she created this Soundtrack, Couldn't have asked for better. Or as some say, "Music is food for the soul" or something along those lines, It's illiterate but it applies to 99.9% of people I suppose.

Also thanks to Robby, Who knew you were a hotshot at a Korean Music Forum.

I now owe you for:

Xenosaga Ep III
Home Made Kazoku
Cool Joke
FictionJunctionYUUKA(guest Yuki Kajiura)
Utada Hikaru's newest album
Gackt's unreleased Songs
Malicemizer
Hound Dog's release to Naruto
Wild Arms 5 Ending Reprise(Amazing)
Shall Never Surrender(Ending Theme to Devil May Cry 4 by Jason "Shyboy" Arnold of Hypnogaja)
Eternal Sonata(Trusty Bell) Soundtrack (minus Kagami Hana)

And If I recall you said I have to set up many many orgies for you if you pulled through for alot of the music I've obtained. Well as obvious to the naked eye I'm far from having the capability of arranging that for you, I'll just draw you a Barney flick or something. sounds good no? Of course it does.

Kelteer goes back to Kyoto in 3 hours, Where she will no longer have access to internet.

Another close friend lost.

So tired of this..

This really fucking sucks.

I got your request done Andrew. I'll hand it to you whenever I have the time to head up to visit. you're barely on Live or MSN so, here's hoping this reaches.

Things are looking up...sort of.

Pastel's Volume 6-8 are hard to find around here, better try online.
the another birth novels are complete, I just need to find Vol. 4 and AI Buster V.2.0
Easier said than done.
Let alone The critically acclaimed novel based off Lost Odyssey.
The Forever Traveler: ~Lost Odyssey~ A Thousand Years of Dreams. I must get it. I want it, very badly..
Every review site has given it 10/10, 5/5 100/100 etc...

Kiyoshi Shigematsu is a novelist genius, I'm glad he's a part of Lost Odyssey, I won't be dissapointed.

I got to talk to you a great deal lately. That really puts me in a better state of mind.
Thanks alot. really.

I'm overly hyped for the new year, I hope it goes better than 07 did.
Starting with you..


Here's hoping for the best, For you and I.

~

Despicably, I'm posting.


You ever thought you felt something might be okay, real to an extent. Then in reality there's always something hidden that renders it all...why bother. You see where I go with this.


It hasn't been long, but alot has happened, my plate's full of emotions, stress, depression, worries, and joys. all piled up into one BIG clusterfuck of drama.

It sickens me how, One thing seems right, yet when time passes you open the eyes to see none of it means as much as it does to you.

darker note: I do know, all about it. you're delaying the inevitable, And it's killing me inside slowly. But Ive got my ideals, HEY! let's try to be ignorant and bitter about everything! ...fuck no, Not happening, I'm a patient person, And It takes alot to piss me the hell off. I wouldn't say I'm calm, but I'm not pissed either.

I abhor the fact I'm being toyed with, stuck in this merry-go-round. Not even knowing what exactly is real to you and what isn't.

..what the fuck ever.
I've heard it all.
way too many times before.
I want answers.
Sooner or later I'll get them.
Pardon the self-bitterness and selfishness.
But I'm tired.
Tired of going around in your circles.

All I want is exactly what is known.

Honesty...Yeah right.


I'm in such a depressing mood today, so back the fuck off.

Shall Never Surrender by Jason "Shyboy" Arnold of Hypnogaja.

They will See, We'll fight until Eternity.
Come with me, We'll stand and fight together.
Through our strength, we'll make a better day
Tomorrow we, Shall Never Surrender...

They Will see, We'll fight until the end of time.
Come with me, Well stay together forever.
Through our time, We'll make our better days
Tomorrow we, Shall Never Surrender....

Please come and see... We'll fight until Eternity
Come with me, Please stay with me forever
With our strength we'll make our better selves.
Tomorrow we, Shall Never Surrender...


This is to you, Whom I've known so shortly yet attracted to you ever so deeply.
Why is it I dread the time you leave my side, Not knowing when I'll feel your gentle touch once again. All I feel I want is to hold onto you...

Life sucks when your emotions are rambled up. really badly.

God knows I'm trying to fix them for you, bear with me.

So like yeh, more blog.

To all you Halofags: blow me.
I'm still playing and unlocking achievements on Blue Dragon, which is fucking win.


Holy shit so I got this commision request earlier today for a Rebecca/Dean Trigger Rondo off Wild Arms 5, which I'd say was my best Support Attack, Rebecca's shorts are <3, Luckily I had a good idea on how the backflip by Rebecca and Dean's sidestep occured alot, So I already lined up pretty well, I nevere really spoke of this, an d Even though Me and her do not speak, my inspiration to draw came from Jeni, so In a weird indescribable yet crazed ass way, thanks, tons.

Eternal Sonata..oh man.
Tri-Ace's coherent music developer by leader and sheer genius Motoi Sakuraba Developed this game entirely. Set timely before Fryderyk Francyszek Chopin's Last moments before his death, It encompasses a dream he has before Dying. Sounds like a mediocre Story. But for so much more(to me at least)

Fryderyk Chopin is one of the Lenegdary Piano arangers in the entire world, died in the 1800s and this game was made for him, about him. the RPG and visuals itself Are simply amazing, without a doubt a definite plus for a 360.

Of course the most noteable feature on Eternal Sonata would be The Soundtrack, Partnered up with some of Stanislav Stanislavovich's music, Motoi Sakuraba emcompassed some of the most amazing tracks a video game has ever had, I honestly don't regret the money spent for this OST. I love each and every single track.


The Game's truly amazing as is definately on my top favorites list.

So to you douchebags who actually read my LJ. Go buy it, Now. And If you don't have a 360, Fix it. Or I will punch you all in your cocks, Females included. <3

concept for my next big commission.

A band of rebellious humans defying the world itself
much in a room similiar to Tartaga in .hack//GU Vol 3's command room, or that of Ragnarok's in FFVIII

Illuminated by the orange clouds, getting fuckin' giddy already, fuck. <3

Now If I can just get around to drawing it and pull off my video games even for one day. >.>

oh PS.

I'm fucking 19 today, yay.

Thanks QCDN for the Birthday Email. <3

Stop hiding it.

When you finally confront me.

You shall discover much much more than what you think will happen.


Fucking hate this.

Even If You could re-do the past.
Those tears, those memories.
And the coldness of that reality that carves up your chest.
The years gone through to endure all that sadness.
You can't render all that meaningless.
Carrying those pains.
And Moving on.
Isn't that the only path that would allow all those lost things to remain?
Just like how I am bound to that sadness.
And how I am protected by Memories.
Memories become my foundation.
And I believe they can change the people who are still living.
No matter how much it hurts,
Even if it's a wound that will never heal,
I believe this path is not wrong....

There are things that are beautiful because one cannot possess them...